well its its official ive lost my lifes Savings

When the market crashed i had invested a little more than 150k well thats what my stocks had gone up to anyways it was every thing that I had ever saved put into an investment fund and it tanked and I don't mean im at what I put in but I lost all but 49 dollars i put in over 20 thousand dollars in my tipd my side gigs every prnny I did not need for food bus and rent went into my investments accounts and now what I have is not a single thing.  I had plans I was going to open my own shop nothing special just some simple fry bread and ndn tacos and desserts.  But I didn't rush and pull the trigger and save what had built once the market trickled a bit like everyone else. I thought just ride it out it'll get better but no it got worse then worse and  now I am stuck with bills and im robbinv peter to pay paul and for what. I just want to give up. But someine said crowdfunding was a good idea well maybe i can get a little money to get me through this and have a bit to start over who knows so here it is because lord knows that I have no other choice but to do this and pray for a miracle https://www.supportful.com/1a8c3326-6916-4cf2-b4cd-5cf67c19c7b0

covid-19

https://www.facebook.com/donate/1459086114252084/?fundraiser_source=external_url

 So I started a fundraiser because i lost my job i cant pay my bills because ui benis arent sufficient. i am on the verge of suicide because im better of dead and will be dead if i get evicted. life isnt worth living alone destitute and on the streets i dont feel anyone cares and theres nothing i can do. im so broken my life is worthless and i dont even think the money from the findraiser will help get me through this very hard time.

knowing ones self worth

I have never known my Value Ive never known if I am worthy of anything. I Know I have doubted if people love me. I know that I feel like I dont deserve to be happy. I find My fiance getting sexual messeges from people he says are just friends I think thats ok because he treats me like I am always in the wrong. I find he has gay hook up apps in use with current messeges on his phone he says they are old even though the messeges are from today and yesterday so i let it go because im supposed to because he says im so lucky he is with me. I will neved do better than him. He is most likely right. Im old Im ugly Im fat I should be grateful he is with me. Why then Do I feel horrible? It doesnt matter he is having sex with other people he stays with me and I In fact should be grateful that he stays with me. this is the best I will ever do or have. Its fine. Time to bottle up these useless feelings and go to work. it doesnt matter and obviously no body cares so just keep pushing on..

Cassio

So for years and Years Ive been single I finally figured out why I was meant to move to Boston to find the person I intend to spend the rest of my Life with. His Name is Cassio. I fell hard and fast for him. Its not just a whirlwind romance its an Epic love. I cannot see my life without him. we fit we Match he is the component my life has been missing. He is the polar opposite of myself yet we fit. We dont have the same tastes he is extremely femme but he is that part of me I need he is 100% gentle which smooths my rough edges. I am not just enamored with him I genuinely love this man. He has a sas that is not afraid to show. All I want to do is spend my life showering him with love and kindness. he is soft where I am hard he is not embittered or jaded he is kind and optimistic. He is truly Amazing what else would he be to make me fall in love with him. he is so much so that I the person who believed would never find love found it in him. My heart is full my cup runneth over because he has graced my life with his presence. For this I am grateful for him I am grateful. I have been blessed...

Long days

So today started early af but Im getting through it just another average day here in boston I am doing laundry at the Laundromat I am Hoping to get A big dryer but thats really the luck of the draw. The cheapest laundromat it a mile from my house but I went ahead and lyfted here and plan to lyft back. no I am not being lazy it's just too far too walk with so much stuff . its hard to do everything but i manage. lifes what it is for me like everyone else. it can be really hard to get around somedays but thats life for everyone right. I am goung to go get fiod after and maybe see a film cause well I can. thats my update sorrt for not blogging more but it gets hard when Life gets in the way...

its been a while since ive posted

So ive been in boston almost a year now its been really hard but I have a great team of doctors now I have a really good job working in a resturant I am surviving each and everyday. Yeah I miss home every day but you know what its ok I am alright my bills get paid I take care of business everyday its the life . Anyway imma keep this real short just know im loving life even the hard and painful days.

First post living in Boston

So its been just shy of a month since Ive mad the move to Boston Massachusetts. Ive been staying at an airbnb hostel and its getting kind of expensive awaiting the rapid rehousing program that I applied for ive made many calls and gone to several offices to apply. Im getting nervous because ive already run out of money from this months social security check after my very minimal bills and paying them rent im paid through till the 22nd but I fear thats not enough. But I know that I will be ok its been a huge change in my life and ive made changes before but never alone with no support network of any kind so its scary. I just have to keep assuring myself that all will be well. In the end ill be just fine and I know that absolutely everything will be ok . Thats my little rant for now everything else is going great and to be honest is absolutely grateful.