allot going on lately

So Life has taken a drastic turn Ive had many changes and its been like being on an huge roller coaster for the past few years. I still have my good days and I still have my bad days . I have days racked with pain and then there are days where I feel really good living with a chronic pain disorder and HIV along with the myriad of other things that I have going on is not easy I have stopped going to therapy only because I stopped having a stable living and day to day environment its hard enough to work on yourself when you have a stable environment but when you are literally couch hopping and feeling more worthless than ever therapy  is the last thing n ones mind I am not saying that it was the best decision I could have made but its why I made the decision. I know I still have allot to work on and get over in my life I am working on me everyday using the tools i learned in my therapy but still I have to just take every moment as it comes. Life isn't easy it never will be especially when you have a very dysfunctional family that you just cant let go of because no matter what you love them.
 I know its not going to be easy its not going to be an easy journey on my own when I move to Boston but I know Ill eventually be alright its going to be tough on my own but i know I will make it I always make it on my own I am a survivor I always have been. I have set a plan into motion to get me to Boston and into a good housing situation there. I haven't asked for help not for me anyway and I know I never will I will be ok on my own. I know in the past I've asked people to help my sister and her kids or other relatives I never ask for help for myself because I can do me on my own I can take care of myself. I don't turn peoples help down don't get me wrong when someone offers to help i will accept it but I don't ask because I know i am grown and can do it myself I am tired of people thinking I am a beggar and a mooch again another reason I don't ask for help from people. So I know I am totally rambling but theres allot I have to say and so much to catch people up on.
 As I get ready for this big 1400+ mile move from Kansas to Massachusetts I keep getting more exited and nervous something is just going to go wrong and I am going to be stuck here I don't want to be stuck in Kansas any longer there are so many better housing programs in ma and the medicaid program there is the best in the nation I mean I will have far better opportunities there than I have here in the mid west and maybe just maybe after I get a transplant I can go back to work and I will feel more productive. I know I have allot to share as a human being and I know that there is more to life than just the Internet I one day plan to tell people my story to help change lives to help change the face of HIV I want t to help end HIV and End the Stigma of it. and that all starts with education.
anyway I am gonna sign off for a while Ill post again soon.