Beaded up me A red ribbon

So I am all geared up for tomorrow I beaded that beautiful red ribbon and I found some jewelry pins so that I can wear it. I was at some point worried I wouldn't have anything to wear for the day but laundry is done i also know that it will be a great day as well I plan on going and doing some work at the center or something . I am very excited about doing something active I may even hold Classes to let people learn to bead I have so many extra beads that it could be extremely productive I have had some really productive days lately I am actually doing extrordanarily well and I am very just grateful to be here today and every day .
 Well I think life has given me my downs but now I have some really good ups and for this I am grateful. Well the Baby needs changing and I have company I just wanted to post a short post for the day so people knew what all I did it has been a very good day thank be to the creator.

Gearing Up For World AIDS Day

So As World AIDS Day approaches I am here thinking about where my life is going and in what direction. Life is going so good now I am in my own place I have a good life i have met someone special and well things are very good Life has many twists and turns but above all I remember it is not my plan but the creators Plan. So Living with this virus and coming to terms with all of it all of me has been a long hard Road at times very much so but there is no more depression over the fact I am pos It is been just living with the virus and teaching about it and loving life and living to the fullest I have a great life I am doing great in my life and i am who I am I am proud of where I come from grateful for where I have been and am looking forward to the future as it comes my way.
 SO some big days are coming up My Cousins birthday my two nieces birthdays and my birthday we were thinking of going to Darko for some of it to see family down there and go to the festival of lights life is so good that we can finally make plans like this I love it my life is just looking so wonderful and my amazing family my two sisters here my sisters in Oklahoma and new Mexico as well as my brothers and sisters elsewhere and my cousins thanks god for my Cousins my aunts my uncles it is them who have humbled me taught me to be who I am who I really am and for that i am utterly grateful through it all I am blessed and more and more everyday life is just getting better and better and for all that I am utterly amazed and in awe.
Life has been becoming more and more complete with each new day and as each day comes I successfully become more and more a better person a better speaker a better educator I may not be the greatest writer but Its coming along. I thank god for all my blessings even the fact that I can wake up on December 1 put on my red ribbon and go out of the house and be alive I thank god everyday for the blessings I have there is nothing greater in this world than to be alive in this moment for today there is no day but today remember what is coming and how to face it I am doing that myself its coming and life is good

Moving its been so rough

Well So here is the deal I been moving for the last few days I am still not done the whole thing is I don't have a vehicle nor the money for a moving van it would be nice I could be done in a day if I did but well I use the resources I have at hand and I am utterly grateful for what I am given life Has not always been kind or fair but I have never had to deal with anything I couldn't Handle Life Is absolutely beautiful and for that I am grateful I have a beautiful home with my family its just absolutely amazing I never stop being amazed at how wonderful and beautiful My life is becoming every single day with such a wonderful family and network of support I have been utterly blessed in my life thank you creator for everything you have given me so many blessings in the world with my cousins sisters brothers aunts uncles everything.
 My family is far from perfect don't get me wrong they aren't the Brady bunch but I can say through all the years I have Had My family stand by me and I have always stood by them my whole life and I am one hundred percent Grateful and thankful to have that security in my life the family has stood by me and for that I am grateful and thankful I am going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving cause I'm going to be spending it in my new home and with my sisters and with my family its going to be absolutely a thankful day.
 The only real issue I has this year Is I am going to be spreading myself very thin my sisters both bought new homes this year and I just got into my new home so its like everyone wants to do the holiday at their house and its you know cause we are grateful for having these blessings we has in our lives so I am going to be eating like 7 times this year lolz . hey At least I know I wont go hungry i may gain 15 pound this Thanksgiving but ehh its alright.

just another morning in my life

Ok so here is the  deal I am having issues with sleep allot of the time I don't dream one of the side effects of my medication is that I will have vibrant dreams well I don't have that at all ok erm, allot of the time I just fall into a black abyss this is why I stay away from the sleep state I can say though I have had allot of memory issues but I don't know if its due to my meds or not and the imbalances in my well my Bm's man some days it really sucks one day or for sometimes three days I cant go and then there are days when I am on the pot for like days on end I hate it.But no one ever said that life was ever going to be easy and you know the thing is that its never easy with any kind of chronic illness and that's what HIV is a chronic illness its just some days are better than others you know what I mean.
 So I was suppose to go to the doctors today or so I thought lmao funny thing my appointment is the 15th god my brain I really someday just cant believe all the crap I go through internally externally uuurrrrrgggg well I am just going to have well just be ok with it accept it and keep moving forward its not like I have much choice but to make the best of the situation and be grateful for each new day you know what saying I know sometimes it seems as though I ma complaining but I am not I am venting if anything you know i am telling it like it is this is life with HIV there is no getting out of it its my life If I am going to live I have to keep going like this. I know I will never give in or give up that's for sure I don't quit that easy.so Here I am back in bed just laying here working on the blog wondering does it get better will the loneliness go away I am sure it will life always gets better doesn't it I just have to keep going to know for sure don't I ?
 I was talking to god last night and I said "Creator I will make you no bargains I will not give you an ultimatum but here is what I will do I will keep living when I rise in the morning I will pour my tobacco and say a prayer for the ones who cant i will keep going I will keep moving forward I will keep living i will not give in or give up I will be strong not because your going to take this from me but because these are just the trials I must get through and keep serving the community and our youth for you". I never receive answer's but I get the feeling i am doing the right thing for the creator.
I know this is my life to have these struggles and to keep going to build strength of my spirit through moving forward in this world with the troubles and with the struggles we all stumble but most of us have someone to help pick us up in some way or other and i have so many people that are here that pick me up every single day and for that I am grateful. I have been asked how did you feel when you found out you were HIV pos and honestly I can say i accepted it and I just kept moving forward. Life was never going to be easy for me it was never meant to be easy the roads I was meant to travel were always meant to be my own and I was always meant to stumble and fall so that the Creator could send people into my life to help pick me up and it is my job to let them and to be grateful for it.
I think Red Jumpsuit Apparatus has it right when they sing " I will never let you fall" in guardian angel that song reminds me of my life because I have had so many guardian angels in my life and I have been so blessed that all I can be is grateful even with everything all my struggles I am grateful.

Veterans Parade and Trail Of Tears Memorial Walk

OK so today was a busy day I was in a Parade with Uncle Mark then I was in the Trail of tears memorial Walk..Long day but fulfilling I saw many familiar faces and shook Many hands had Many hugs and Laughed Allot. Through it all I had in the back of my mind this is nothing in comparison too what my mothers Great Grandmother Went through when she was relocated. Today we are truly blessed if we live in Urban society we have cell phones androids Iphones we have cars and Jobs and homes. We have so much that back then we didn't we were forcibly removed from our lands and we walked we cryed some even Died. Life for the Urban Indian is allot simpler that for the rez ndn but life still has its ups and downs. In a world of inequality in a world where we have to go into the military for lack of anything else the job Markets are so scarce life can be rough but at least we can remember it is not 1832 and we are not being walked on a 700 mile journey with little to no food we are not being taken from our homes we are blessed with what we have, and we don't forget our past we remember our ancestors we live and move forward for them everyday,
 Well after the walk I went to the Indian center there was music the drum of course there was people from all different times of my life I saw many old friends made some new ones sat and spoke about my HIV with some young people and made sure that they all knew how blessed I felt I was I never forget who I am I never forget where I come from I never forget I am POS and have a duty to teach when ever an opportunity arises I walk in a good way I do my best I live everyday and never forget I am who I am and that I am HIV Pos but I am truly and eternally blessed people listen to me. People Heed my words. I am 34 and when I speak people hear me.this is a good thing.
 Well enough of my rant I thank you for taking the time To read this post I thank you for everything and I walked for all those who couldn't I prayed for all those who needed it I taught all those who needed it and now I am going to rest up a bit and thank the creator for giving me such a wonderful day A'ho

how I feel right here right now

Often Times I find myself wondering what would i do under different circumstances would I even bother with HIV education or anything like that. I have been wondering if I wasnt Diagnosed Would I have ever done more that volunteer at a meels on wheels for HIV pos people I dont know sometimes it is so damn hard to know what to do and if I am doing the right thing in life. well I am just writing a short post I will be going to the Trail Of tears memorial walk tomorrow I hope I can Find a ride there well all wish me luck and be blessed and good to yourselves and eachother until next time if your neg stay that way if your POS you know how to get a hold of me for advise much love and respect to my peeps out there in internet land