Long Distance Love Story A poem by Larry Estrada Jr.

The long distance love story. By Larry Estrada Jr.

Loving someone from a distance. 

Wishing for the touch of thier skin cheek to cheek

Longing to be anything but alone

Not being heard by the one you love

Finding to respit in the night

Knowing this is not right

Spiralling into the abyss 

The fewl of his touch yet I still miss

Knowing this is not going to end well

The Cancer sets in

The tears rush to the surface

He begs you to fight

The pain is to hard to bear

He isnt even there 

Alone in a world so cold

Is this a dream 

Or is this my reality.

Heartbreaking at least for me

So as many of you know I picked up my life and moved out of Kansas and into Boston.  Its been a total rollercoaster Ive had amazing ups but with the Ups come the downs I as most of you know have been on disability for a long time and out here 731 a month isnt enough unless you have a serious voucher well I did everything that you can do and never got word back. So i said screw it I went back to work took three jobs and got financially stable and even had investments for a life after I  wanted to quit working and even had investments set aside to make a bit of capital  so i could finally open my little food truck and cafe. Everything was looking at I was feesably between one and two years out for having all the money I needed to start up with no loans then in December the first talk of the virus and the market started to crash. BUT I thought it was gonna be fine but no I  lost everything and now I'm so scared of everything 

 I am barely going to be able to pay my  very minimum bills my credits shot now and everyone is saying not to worry it will all be ok but I  dont think that it will. Not for my dreams and my future. Aren't We all Allowed to dream big and work hard and smart to make those dreams become a reality.  Well thats all ive got for this messege guys keep your heads up and remember when the darkness falls there will always be a light to guide you on your way. A:ho mitakuye oyasin https://www.supportful.com/1a8c3326-6916-4cf2-b4cd-5cf67c19c7b0

well its its official ive lost my lifes Savings

When the market crashed i had invested a little more than 150k well thats what my stocks had gone up to anyways it was every thing that I had ever saved put into an investment fund and it tanked and I don't mean im at what I put in but I lost all but 49 dollars i put in over 20 thousand dollars in my tipd my side gigs every prnny I did not need for food bus and rent went into my investments accounts and now what I have is not a single thing.  I had plans I was going to open my own shop nothing special just some simple fry bread and ndn tacos and desserts.  But I didn't rush and pull the trigger and save what had built once the market trickled a bit like everyone else. I thought just ride it out it'll get better but no it got worse then worse and  now I am stuck with bills and im robbinv peter to pay paul and for what. I just want to give up. But someine said crowdfunding was a good idea well maybe i can get a little money to get me through this and have a bit to start over who knows so here it is because lord knows that I have no other choice but to do this and pray for a miracle https://www.supportful.com/1a8c3326-6916-4cf2-b4cd-5cf67c19c7b0

covid-19

https://www.facebook.com/donate/1459086114252084/?fundraiser_source=external_url

 So I started a fundraiser because i lost my job i cant pay my bills because ui benis arent sufficient. i am on the verge of suicide because im better of dead and will be dead if i get evicted. life isnt worth living alone destitute and on the streets i dont feel anyone cares and theres nothing i can do. im so broken my life is worthless and i dont even think the money from the findraiser will help get me through this very hard time.

knowing ones self worth

I have never known my Value Ive never known if I am worthy of anything. I Know I have doubted if people love me. I know that I feel like I dont deserve to be happy. I find My fiance getting sexual messeges from people he says are just friends I think thats ok because he treats me like I am always in the wrong. I find he has gay hook up apps in use with current messeges on his phone he says they are old even though the messeges are from today and yesterday so i let it go because im supposed to because he says im so lucky he is with me. I will neved do better than him. He is most likely right. Im old Im ugly Im fat I should be grateful he is with me. Why then Do I feel horrible? It doesnt matter he is having sex with other people he stays with me and I In fact should be grateful that he stays with me. this is the best I will ever do or have. Its fine. Time to bottle up these useless feelings and go to work. it doesnt matter and obviously no body cares so just keep pushing on..

Cassio

So for years and Years Ive been single I finally figured out why I was meant to move to Boston to find the person I intend to spend the rest of my Life with. His Name is Cassio. I fell hard and fast for him. Its not just a whirlwind romance its an Epic love. I cannot see my life without him. we fit we Match he is the component my life has been missing. He is the polar opposite of myself yet we fit. We dont have the same tastes he is extremely femme but he is that part of me I need he is 100% gentle which smooths my rough edges. I am not just enamored with him I genuinely love this man. He has a sas that is not afraid to show. All I want to do is spend my life showering him with love and kindness. he is soft where I am hard he is not embittered or jaded he is kind and optimistic. He is truly Amazing what else would he be to make me fall in love with him. he is so much so that I the person who believed would never find love found it in him. My heart is full my cup runneth over because he has graced my life with his presence. For this I am grateful for him I am grateful. I have been blessed...

Long days

So today started early af but Im getting through it just another average day here in boston I am doing laundry at the Laundromat I am Hoping to get A big dryer but thats really the luck of the draw. The cheapest laundromat it a mile from my house but I went ahead and lyfted here and plan to lyft back. no I am not being lazy it's just too far too walk with so much stuff . its hard to do everything but i manage. lifes what it is for me like everyone else. it can be really hard to get around somedays but thats life for everyone right. I am goung to go get fiod after and maybe see a film cause well I can. thats my update sorrt for not blogging more but it gets hard when Life gets in the way...