Wow no special Title no special Subject to speak on I guess I have become average.My Levels well they aren't so good I am going to have to go and see about changing My meds.My heart well its not doing so good either my blood was way to thick I am seriously running the risk of throwing a clot any day.Stress Is well high right now I know I am not in the best Place but its a place and well i am really tired of people being douche bags.You know I just don't deal well with Idiots.
So I am really pretty much done in certain arena's of my life when I move from here and Into My own spot I am going to remain very single.I definitely Like the whole Living single thing I really do just me and my dogs no one else to worry about you know what I mean.I have enough to deal with as it is.I just really want my freedom my privacy and my solace. A place to call home a place where I am secure a place of my own.
And I am stubborn opinionated and I need to not have to worry all the time about things I say or have to deal with drunk idiots invading my personal space.to only have to worry about making a meal for myself at the end of the day and living a solitary life.I don't need to look after anyone else I don't want to look after anyone else I just want my own spot where I can be alone If I want to take my damn clothes off I can just take my clothes off If I want to sit in my living room naked all day I can do that .
I know it sounds crazy but I want to be alone I really fucking do its just what i know I need at the moment.I have no words of wisdom I just want some damn peace and quiet no 25 year old grown ass people arguing all day all nite like two little ass kids and me having to sit and listen to the shit, sorry I don't want to know why you think you are so much fucking better than the whole fucking world and why everyone else is so fucking stupid in fact I don't want to hear all your excuses for being a douche bag and a mooch.And I defiantly don't want to hear a grown ass man come into my house and try to fucking tell me I don't fucking do shit your lucky I am not the person I was 10 years ago cause you would not be alive today to tell your story telling me your loser ass does anything for anyone all talk no action motherfucker now that I got that bit of a vent out I am simply going to say ahhhhhhhhh.
Yeah My week has been eventful my month my year my life with out the events in my life I wouldn't be who I am today.HIV pos and still trying to Make the world a better place even when it feels as though everyone is dead set against me even when it feels like every asshole out there in the world has it seriously in for me....Well all is said and done I am single I am alive I am happy with who I am and I have been through allot worse in my life you know. So I walk forward and take in the new days and the new breath that I am given and I live for today because tomorrow May never come....
I am A 33 Year old gay native/Hispanic Male Living with HIV for the last thirteen years.Some days I dont know where to begin and some days it feels like it might be the end But i am still here alive for a reason
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
September 11th 2011
I woke up today and I remember that day.I remember where I was what I was doing everything.Did It change me? I dont really think so.I was still HIV pos I was not quite 24 I still had to eventually go to work.Life kept going for me.I saw the inevitable we invaded another country we went to war it was Life.Was I afraid? No I was 24 and had been diagnosed with HIV for about 3 year's by then and I knew I had been Pos for about 5 or so as i know who infected me how could a terrorist attack be any worse for me you know I figured we would get on with it and go to war.A war I couldnt fight cause I was battling one of my own...
Ten years ten years is all I can think of 14 years with the virus ten years with all of the memories of 9/11 the loss of our soldiers the loss of all the victims and the war the loss of human life on both sides nothing in this world is more precious than human life.It doesnt Matter to me how a life is lost all life is precious and all loss of life a tragedy.HIV/AIDS infection is still so damn high I wish we could lower the numbers so very much.The numbers seem to be about 54% Higher in HIV/AIDS related Deaths than the deaths related tot the War in the middle east.thats just US HIV deaths alone ...
Well Life keeps going it is our Job to remember and to move forward in life to love eachother to educate our youth and teach them how to be strong and healthy and to keep our children and our youth tolerant of eachother and to teach love one another not hate.
You know Someone asked a question how has 9/11 changed you? Well as i have stated in the above it really didnt not just because I was so far from ground Zero but because so many other things were gong on in the world not just pertaining to 9/11 and bin laden but things going on in the Native american community and in the HIV/AIDS community...
Well after all is said and done there are more HIV/AIDS related deaths then war related deaths yet we remember one and not the other more so well we have to remember and educate I think on both subjects always.....
Ten years ten years is all I can think of 14 years with the virus ten years with all of the memories of 9/11 the loss of our soldiers the loss of all the victims and the war the loss of human life on both sides nothing in this world is more precious than human life.It doesnt Matter to me how a life is lost all life is precious and all loss of life a tragedy.HIV/AIDS infection is still so damn high I wish we could lower the numbers so very much.The numbers seem to be about 54% Higher in HIV/AIDS related Deaths than the deaths related tot the War in the middle east.thats just US HIV deaths alone ...
Well Life keeps going it is our Job to remember and to move forward in life to love eachother to educate our youth and teach them how to be strong and healthy and to keep our children and our youth tolerant of eachother and to teach love one another not hate.
You know Someone asked a question how has 9/11 changed you? Well as i have stated in the above it really didnt not just because I was so far from ground Zero but because so many other things were gong on in the world not just pertaining to 9/11 and bin laden but things going on in the Native american community and in the HIV/AIDS community...
Well after all is said and done there are more HIV/AIDS related deaths then war related deaths yet we remember one and not the other more so well we have to remember and educate I think on both subjects always.....
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A day in my single life
I am Gay I am Native American And I am HIV Positive I sit and wonder is there romance out there for me? I mean sure everyone can find a one night stand everyone can find someone to have a friends with benefits program with but I am far too old for that any more. I am 33 years old and I just cant handle this not knowing if I am going to have some one to grow old with.Yes I know the chances of finding the one that one person that was made just for you is like one in six point 4 billion but I mean there is a chance right?I mean for every person out there there is that one special someone that the creator created just for them. I hear about it all the time I have witnessed it many times.I want that in my life I want to have that one special someone in my life...
I want the same thing everyone else wants to find a good person to spend the rest of their life with.Its not much I ma not asking for the unreasonable I am asking for something that everyone wants. I never expected that life would be easy or that it would be rainbows and sunshine. You know I don't have false expectations I don't expect to fall in love at first sight or expect more from people than they are willing to give me. But I do expect that I will find someone to love. To find someone to love and someone to love me in return.That's all I have ever wanted its all someone anyone ever really wants in this world.One day I will find that but i hate the in between time I hate waiting for something that is so far off in this world.Or rather something that feels so far away.
Well I never talk about relationships and such. It is so rare for me to speak on such things I guess I am just seriously tired of how life has been getting me down. Yeah I don't think anyone likes being alone.I think everyone wants to have some form of stability in their lives.No I am not going to be your Daddy No I am not going to be your Baby I want to be your world I want that someone to be my world..Its not allot to ask.I have an education I want someone who I can conversate with I don't want people to assume I am thinking something I am not I ma not jealous there is no reason for jealousy Why because if you want to be with me you will be with me if you want to love me you will love me if you want all of me you will ask for all of me you will not cheat on me you will not try to step out on me you will try everything in your power to be with me you will romance me you will try everything to be with me you will woo me you will put in the effort if you don't want to do that then oh well your not going to be worth my time and hence there will be no reason for jealousy I deserve the best because I am the best I will love you with every thing that is me I will stand by you when you need someone to to stand by you I will be a shoulder on which you can cry I will be your friend when you need one.I will be your foundation your rock and I expect the same in return.I don't put in effort where I see no effort being put in in return.
I guess everyone needs something you know I know I need someone in my life someone that will not hinder my personal growth I need someone in my life that will be beneficial to me not financially beneficial but emotionally I could care less about the money a man makes or what kind of damn car he drives I just need someone who is good kind loving like myself I am very much a great person. And I am praying I find someone like myself I know I am not perfect I have my flaws but I know that I am at my core a great and loving person.
I want the same thing everyone else wants to find a good person to spend the rest of their life with.Its not much I ma not asking for the unreasonable I am asking for something that everyone wants. I never expected that life would be easy or that it would be rainbows and sunshine. You know I don't have false expectations I don't expect to fall in love at first sight or expect more from people than they are willing to give me. But I do expect that I will find someone to love. To find someone to love and someone to love me in return.That's all I have ever wanted its all someone anyone ever really wants in this world.One day I will find that but i hate the in between time I hate waiting for something that is so far off in this world.Or rather something that feels so far away.
Well I never talk about relationships and such. It is so rare for me to speak on such things I guess I am just seriously tired of how life has been getting me down. Yeah I don't think anyone likes being alone.I think everyone wants to have some form of stability in their lives.No I am not going to be your Daddy No I am not going to be your Baby I want to be your world I want that someone to be my world..Its not allot to ask.I have an education I want someone who I can conversate with I don't want people to assume I am thinking something I am not I ma not jealous there is no reason for jealousy Why because if you want to be with me you will be with me if you want to love me you will love me if you want all of me you will ask for all of me you will not cheat on me you will not try to step out on me you will try everything in your power to be with me you will romance me you will try everything to be with me you will woo me you will put in the effort if you don't want to do that then oh well your not going to be worth my time and hence there will be no reason for jealousy I deserve the best because I am the best I will love you with every thing that is me I will stand by you when you need someone to to stand by you I will be a shoulder on which you can cry I will be your friend when you need one.I will be your foundation your rock and I expect the same in return.I don't put in effort where I see no effort being put in in return.
I guess everyone needs something you know I know I need someone in my life someone that will not hinder my personal growth I need someone in my life that will be beneficial to me not financially beneficial but emotionally I could care less about the money a man makes or what kind of damn car he drives I just need someone who is good kind loving like myself I am very much a great person. And I am praying I find someone like myself I know I am not perfect I have my flaws but I know that I am at my core a great and loving person.
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