Some Days Are just Like Going through the motions

It has been a while since I have posted anything.So here I am with my mind on a million different things.I need to go to the Dr. I finally have insurance now that wont be a real issue.I have many concerns though as I am only getting so much money a month my income is very limited with my insurance I have co-pay's and every one knows how that can be.With all of my medications there will be some kind of co-pay.with the exception of my aids meds.I have been hearing and following the news about the budget cuts GA funding has been cut off completely in my state.Medicaid is sure to follow and possibly FS benefits. The department of social and rehabilitation services has been cut dramatically allot of people in social work have lost their jobs.Teachers have been cut Learning Programs have been cut so for the big guys in office it seems to cut the little people rather than take a pay cut themselves. How typical.they don't see the direct affects of the loss of these very important programs because well they were mostly born into money. And everyone is Bashing the President on all sides he gets no fucking slack what the fuck has he done ALLOT. But no one sees they see the fucking propaganda set by the republican party who is only out to keep money in their pockets this government is slamming the one person who is trying to make a real fucking difference and that is our damn President. first everyone was giving him bullshit and calling him a Muslim and so what if he was or a Jew doesn't this country have a freedom of religion act anyway. But that besides the point he is a christian and do I care no and I'M NOT CHRISTIAN.. Neither am I a Muslim or Jew but that's beside the point stop slandering the one person in charge of this country he is our commander in Chief and a damn good man too boot.He didn't cut ADAP he actually gave more funding to it in this budget crisis.He walked into office with allot of bullshit to follow the Last Thing President Bush signed into act was that stupid bail out and Obama had nothing to do with it the banks should have gone out of business that wasn't an Obama deal that was  Bushel of Bushit..Like my play on words i did..Any how so I get my disability and now there may be no money to pay me I paid in what the hell Man I am disabled I should get the money at least that which I paid in.But if we have social security why the fuck don't we have social medicine.. Oh we are not commies fucking commie this commie that really when every democratic nation in the UN has social medicine why the fuck is the United States of Fucking America the last one on board with the program.
 Hell of a rant rite it gets better.. So now with all this that I have to worry about just for myself Now I have to worry about my ex who claims I am trying to contact him left and right when for the love of Pete I have been avoiding the asshole like the fucking black plague.and he calls me out in a fucking Facebook message and cusses me in a cowardly fashion from someone Else's account fucking how much more psychological bullshit are you going to fucking put on me you asshole you stole over four thousand dollars in real property alone from me but you are the victim you fucking bastard...you throw me out of the house I got for us while I ma in the fucking hospital and use all my cellphone minutes while I am in said hospital so you can get the rest of my property from my sisters house and then have my bed to fuck you new boyfriend on while I am in said hospital, but I am the bad guy who caused all the damage... Really really. Well here is what I am going to say on that Creator forgive me for feeling anger toward this person who has done me so wrong Creator watch over this person and heal this person and make him see and take real responsibility for his actions and the wrongs he committed against me and others and as for myself creator take me and heal my heart of this anger and animosity and let me get through each day in a good way.And should I die tonight let me come home with no wounds in my spirit.should I wake in the morning let my heart be filed with renewed joy for all I can do is pray take all this away from me and give me peace and make my spirit clean..Aho...
 Now with that said and done I do feel a bit better you see I wish no harm on him I just want to be left alone by him and his family. I am tired of the Slander and bullshit from so many people I am tired of the anger and hate from people all around I am a good person I have allot of family which I love and respect and I have made I life here and I had to leave here to get away and where I went was in many ways allot worse than here no one deserves to go through all the bullshit I have been through but by cutting ties to the crap I can let go of the angst and hate if i let it go to my creator I know he will provide for me in all the ways that I need.
 I am grateful for my family and those of my readers who actually follow and comment on my blogs. I know sometimes I go off on tangents but this is what it is living with HIV just like you I struggle with the reality of daily life and other issues but on top of daily life I have this thing inside me trying to come to the surface and take over and eventually kill me that is why I need the ADAP and medical so i can have the treatment to keep me alive.
Many People no longer understand the severity of HIV and AIDS because there are so many medications that give us longer lives not healthier lives these drugs are harsh and we get no breaks from them its not like Cancer where you take the medication then go into remission it is the same strong medications day after day year after year taking its toll on my body and debilitating me further and further each and every day.And I go through this alone..I know I have friends and Family that love me but I am ultimately alone in my own private war against my Virus because it is me and my virus fighting to win not even coexist because I want to win this war....
 And this is a war that no one else can fight for me no one else can shoulder this burden because it is mine and mine alone to carry...this is why it is so important to be educated to practice safer sex methods to use condoms and to get tested every single day, and to seek treatment as soon as possible.... Get Tested Know Your Status Seek Treatment....have a blessed day and thanks for reading my rant...
                                                                  L.