The Last few months and Drama

In the Last few months I have been going through a whole lot of health Issues.I have been seriously worried about whether or not I am going to make it to my next Birthday I am afraid of allot of things No I really dont want to Die but should that happen that shall happen. I guess life has its ups and downs every single day it just so happens that My life has more downs than Ups But I am dealing with each day as it comes. I have no choice but to push forward everyday. Yes its a scary road but I live each day one day at a time.
I Dont wish the Issues I have On anyone else in this world. Now it has been said I have AIDS more than once I do not have an AIDS diagnosis and Never have I have come close to being low enough to have one But I started medication and then my numbers came up it took ten years or better to go on medication I was so afraid of the medications that I feared I would Die NO I am not a denialist but I knew the full ramifications of medications at the time of my diagnosis I had been on a few of them before they were used as AIDS drugs for cancer treatments I never wanted to be on chemo therapy again yet here I am 20 years later and On something just as strong as Chemo therapy.this life was never going to be easy I know there is nothing in this world promising an easy life. Yet I wonder what life would be like if I had it a little easier but I doubt it will ever be any easier for what I go through shapes the man I am today and in the future the compassion I have learned from the very things that have shaped my life from day one.
 It often amazes me the different experiences I had from those of my siblings yes we all came from the same parents yes we all went through the same craziness and yet it remains that I am so strong where my siblings are different from the experiences. Yes we all suffered severe emotional abuses in our house we all suffered some very violent abuses from our parents and their friends and we all were hurt the thing of it is I forgave and my parents forgave themselves our family went through some very hard times and some very emotional pains and through it all we came out stronger. It although deeply saddens me that my one sibling is so emotionally stunted for all of it It saddens me that I constantly forgive and I constantly pray for those who do me so very wrong. It seems it makes me so week to forgive them all the time.I have to forgive for me not for them I do not have to allow them in my life but I also do not have to sit here and allow them to slander my name and what I do for others.
 I am always feeling now like I have to defend myself it is so frustrating that I have to defend My honor and my work. I've been educating for more than 15 years but I am in the wrong I will never stop educating I will never stop advocating the use of condoms and I will never stop advocating HIV awareness and HIV stigma.
 I will be here for a good long time advocating awareness.I just hope the stigma will end one day and one day soon I hope there will be an all out end to HIV and AIDS and a Full Cure.....
 So to end My babbling today I will close with protect yourself protect your partner  Love is Using a condom not treating your Partner like a Used Condom....Love light and Peace