Catoosa

So I've Been Invited to move to Catoosa Oklahoma to be nearer my sisters and their families I like the Idea of being closer to my support groups.Its really hard for me at times not to be around people that are spiritual and I would love to be there. I know I would miss Kansas but it would not be that bad  I don't think I just wish I had my disability already so financially i could be stable already it truly would make all the difference in the world.Now I feel that if i have the chance to be in that situation I should really take advantage of it.I love the people I am around but i feel it is spiritually unhealthy for me to be here and i know they wouldn't understand what that means and it would hurt them that i said it but if you don't have a relationship with the creator its hard to understand that point.And Ive been in relation ship after relationship with people who did not have a relationship with the creator and emotionally its hard especially when they try to use your spirituality against you like my last relationship did.But that is neither here nor there I know i need to get out of here and soon I know that I have allot to deal with physically and mentally and spiritually .I just wish I could tell my best friend that its not anything that she has done but rather for my own well being and have her understand that i am not leaving to hurt her but to keep me healthy.It makes me feel like I am not a good person when they think it is about them.you know and its hard for me to accept help because the obligatory feeling that is left behind.Its so hard to have this feeling in side like its all my fault that things are going wrong to have someone always yelling behind me that nothing is going they're way when every time i tell em you have to cleanse your self of the chaos there is an argument and i am wrong and i should just shut the fuck up cause i don't know what i am talking about.you know its never easy but shit you don't got to keep yourself down its going to kill you .and I just cant live like this anymore its killing me spiritually.and my spirituality above all else has been the thing that has kept me healthy for allot of years.and with out that I know i am nothing and some people just don't understand that about me.It can be difficult at times but I know everything will work out as long as I continue to follow my path and stay spiritually clean and keep my heart mind and spirit open to the creators will.because his will is all that really matters as he is the creator and has a perfect plan for each of us.I really want to be free of all this pain the emotional repercussions are very much upon me and i know that if i move although my friend here would be upset she may actually understand that i am doing the best thing for my own health