Ok so this Last week I have been helping my family out a bit.I have over done it some unfortunatley I thought I was really doing ok but today my chest really hurt's I have over extended Myself.I dont want to be an alarmist but I know my body I think I will unfortuanatly have to go to the hospital I really dont want to as I hate the Hospital with a passion I always feel like I am going to go in and well not come out.
Its a really scary feeling that when you go into the hospital and well really you may not come out that is the reality of living with my kind of health not just the HIV but the heart disease and diabetes and all the rest of it.Its not easy to be me in any way shape or form.I try and I try to eat right live right be right in the way I walk but its really a tough road to traverse.
I have been so sick for so long and gone through so much that well people often times think its unreal surreal they are in complete denial of my situation. But what can I do? Really ? Nothing I know the truth I know what life is like to be me to be in and out of the hospital been doing this on my own for so long.I know life will never be easy for me I know that but is life ever for any person not living with chronic illness my problems are just different I go through life Knowing today may be my last but I think everyone should be this way because we never know how precious anything in this world truly is.I don't complain about it I live I live every day like it is my last I never tell someone good bye but I will see you later and I never leave with out saying I LOVE YOU to those I love because I always want the last words someone hears from me to be that I love them they need to know no matter what that I do love them I may not have the chance to say it again.
No I am not saying I am going to die I am saying you never know when I might for that matter when you might. Walk everyday with the knowledge that life is short days are numbered and life is a gift and precious you will find it illuminating and you will find it wonderful.It can free you from constraint and help you live each day better.I know that I may have to go to the hospital today If I do I will say a prayer that I will get better so I can write more for you my readers I love you all wish me well I will let you know what is going on later.
Blessings and light to you all
I am A 33 Year old gay native/Hispanic Male Living with HIV for the last thirteen years.Some days I dont know where to begin and some days it feels like it might be the end But i am still here alive for a reason
Hopefully things works out for you :) Post an update when you find out something.
ReplyDeleteWhich hospital? I've been at St. Francis since Tuesday and went in equally scared.