update on my ssi determination

So Disability decided to Review the Judges decision.The review board says this is totally Random they do this in every so many cases.Well as a total act of randomness It feels as though I am being Targeted.I am not saying I am angry just really frustrated.I would much rather go to work and that is just not possible with my health.it doesn't stop that feeling of being Targeted though.I feel like how many times do I have to get sick and be on the verge of death before they will pay me and give me medical help.I am at my whit's end with all of this.Today I can barely move.Laying here in bed with the laptop and propped up on pillows its like What can I do?
Well now its a waiting Game waiting for the social security department to say yay or Nay.Life is not easy never has been and I never expected it to be.But this feeling of helplessness always being sick having no phone nothing to really help when I need it no vehicle always having to depend on others to get me to one doctors appointment to another or from one hospital to the next for my constant procedures and having no money or insurance to pay.Its really ridiculous.
I have had health issues my whole life and well it is just not that easy to deal with. Being HIV pos diabetic having all these pain disorders its not easy the meds omg they really mess with my memory they mess with my body my mind.I don't know if I have the strength for it all but somehow I manage everyday to wake up.I know I am grateful to have these days even if they are full of pain and illness.Yet the doubts of help ever arriving in time to be of any use is just getting to the point of well non existence.
enough of the venting and negativity.Now I will just let out a prayer Grandfather Creator please see it that everyone out there in my situation gets the help they need bless those with the virus give them strength to go on each and every day bless the little ones to be strong make it so there are no new infections and new diagnosis and no child born with the Virus.Give the scientist's the resources they need to find a cure make it possible for the cure and vaccine to be made make it possible that all people affected and infected live long healthy and productive lives. You know what is in my heart you know I come to you in a humble way I ask this not for myself but for the world I Know you listen and I am here asking for this.If my suffering helps in some small way I accept that and ask you heal those with less strength than me first, I know all will be well and I know I am in your care i give all this to you and ask unselfishly and humbly to be remembered when the time comes.A'ho mitakuye Oyasin