A random heart felt rant it just needed to be said and set free

So I've Had a bit of a Journey I keep well lets just say going Back and forth with things in my head.life isn't easy I know this but it shouldn't  be so damn difficult all the time either.This weekend hasn't been the easiest either. Lost a friend this weekend isn't it funny how we say Lost like we misplaced an item.Wow life it is so fragile.we can just lose it like its nothing.I don't know what I am feeling right now.Alone because I am single useless cause I am disabled? I just Don't know anymore.I have had such a Hard life but its never been anything I cant get through you know what I mean?There Are people in this world who have no real issues and they think they suffer I really wish they could trade lives with me for just a day.One very much in Particular could use just one day in my life to set that person Straight.People Often Take for granted their Families and friends they never know what is right before their eyes.hell so many people Take Life itself for granted.everyday when I wake up I realize that Life is a gift every day is precious.It bothers me so much when all these people say oh I just want to die I want to kill myself you know you wouldn't say shit like that if you were stricken with half the shit I have Life is a damn gift get over your bull shit for fuck sake do you know how lucky you are.Ungrateful people.
Yeah I am complaining about people who are perfectly healthy and have damn near everything they could ever want yet throw everything away every day and self sabotage they're very own lives and blame everyone else for it instead of taking responsibility for their own actions.Yeah and then turning it on me and other people when I was the one who got back stabbed aah well call your self a friend and turn on me god I really don't miss the damn Drama of other peoples lives.Life is full of surprises and when you constantly look nothing but negativity then your life will be full of negativity .
When your feeling down and that the only way for you to feel better is to tear another down then go take a good long hard look at yourself and remember your not perfect wither forgiver yourself and move on find the good in your life to dwell on and don't hurt others your just hurting your self.
I have felt angry and sad and just plain out of sorts there are certain people who do nothing but tear me down behind My back people who tear me down publicly but from afar.People who tear everyone else down and blame everyone for their problems and take no responsibility for anything they ever did to make a mess of their own lives its everyone Else's fault.and the lies the sheer hate and venom that spews from their lips and hands but I am to blame for your problems when You lie about everything period and you put yourself in the situations your in.I have real problems real issues to deal with not some fake fantasy of things that never happened to me and such.but I live in a world with HIV and meds and hospitals but I do it all for attention cause I like the attention I get yeah OK are you fucking serious are you fucking serious omfg.What the fuck ever.OK now that's out I have vented now this could pertain to any number of people in my life so well If you think its about you in particular well don't flatter yourself you aren't the only backstabber out there but if you felt it was directed toward you then obviously your doing something to make you feel guilty so go pray on it and think about the people not just me whom you have hurt but all the people you have lied to and stabbed in the back then pray for forgiveness don't worry I forgave you a long time ago for your ignorance and arrogance but don't try to apologize I wont accept your apologies nor let you back into my life your insincere and care only for your self you cant change your ways any better than a leopard could change its spots.I'm forgiving not stupid.
Anyway I am not the one you have to look to there is a bigger person out there the creator most of you whom I am talking about call him god some Jehowa others like me call him the creator see I told you there were  allot of you out there Like I said I am forgiving not stupid I know who everyone is talking about me behind my back starting the rumors spreading the lies to tear me down and I pray for each of you every day and especially when I go to sweat lodge I pray for you to find that peace with in yourselves to go about your lives and leave me out of them .
I don't need added stress I have serious health issues to deal with My life is full enough with out your drama so I let it go this is although the time I will post about it.Because many people don't understand that adding stress into the life of an unhealthy person deteriorates they're health even further.well I am not letting your venom in I am releasing your poison back to you swallow your bitter pills yourself I want none of them.I am good with what I got.Plus My therapist believes that by releasing my problems and not allowing others stresses to enter into my life I am keeping my mental health on the right track and if my mental health is good the domino effect trickles down to my physical health I know it wont heal me 100 % but it keeps me out of the hospital by letting go.Anyway Today Is National HIV testing day go out with some friends get tested know your status.yeah I went all over the place in this blog there was allot on my mind but you know I had to let it out Maybe it wasn't the most coherent way to do it but remember that In the depths of my mind in my heart I am keeping true to what I set out to do educate on the Virus on my Virus and to help people see I live just like everyone else and HIV is very real so get tested today Know your status and remember the earlier the detection the better the faster you can start changing your bad old habits and living healthy and getting the proper medical treatment you need.and for those of you who are Neg use safer sex Practices it is your body protect it and for the newly diagnosed your life isn't over trust me its only just begun live live every day breathe in everything around you see life for just how beautiful it truly is Blessings from the creator be upon you megwetch and aho mitakuye oyasin