the rantings of me

so much stigma still to this day about HIV. And Gays. so much Hate generated at your fellow man I dont understand why some people are jsut so hateful and selfish . And then you have those who act like or act as if but they make them selves out to be the victem you know what grow up take responsibilty for yourself and your own actions or inactions or inability but dont blame everyone else. You Know what I own my past It is a part of who I am and what I have been through has made me the person I am today, I dont blame anyone for my mistakes yeah I trusted in the wrong people my mistake I know.And yes I have had to ask for help from people and you know what this Is why I dont ask for help I amalways thier scape goat I am always their person that they lash out on and I am always the one who has to forgive cause its allway my fault that they lashed out on me.Noone takes my illness seriously but they love to call me Lazy and a burdon.so you know when I left that last place I was at I thought i was doiing the right thing yet I was the asshole the piece of shit and she told me to leave just leave then Larry she say's and when I do it is fuck you you did me dirty you did me wrong. Oh I never told you to leave I never treated you like that ok fine believe what you want I know the truth I know how you cussed me out for everything everyday and when I ddi everything you cussed me for that too you were never satisfied for anything you treated me like shit period but I was just suppose to take it because you were so graciously letting me live there.
 Take a moment step out of your own box and look at just how you really treat others and how when others treat you badly you expect the world to come and fall at your feet and say oh poor you when all you want is sympathy and then as soon as something goes good for anyone else you get pissed off.I am not your puching Bag I am no ones door matt you want me to be this for yo well too bad I deserve better and I will go to where I am loved and cared for where I am respected where I am not expected to exceed my limitations for others. where I can get strong and healthy again.If you dont like it too bad this Is my life and I am taking control of it.
 life is full of assholes and liars we know this but I am not one dont treat me like gabage I am a good man I love  and bleed just like you do life is full of surprises and you will be surprised by me if you know what to look for I will be there for you always but dont tread on me dont take me for granted I may one day just wake up and say hey I am worth so much more than that and I think everyone should know it and i will turn and walk away from you.
 Life is what it is a series of events that lead you to where it is you truly belong and here I am right here right now waiting for love waiting on love loveing myself and living each day in the moment and working through the bad to get to the good each and every single day. I know this one was a bit of a rant but thats how life has been lately so many bad people messing others around including myself and my roomate and we are suppose to just let others walk all over us like we are a door matt not gonna happen and we have eachother i got her back she got mines two good people living co-existing being there for eachother yeah thats what life is all about. It is because of people like us and others that makes everyday a good day and every day a gift dont take the good ones for granted you never know how long we will be around blessings to all of you I love each and everyone of you and you are with me in spirit and i with you everyday