Stigma of living with HIV

Ok no its not thirty years ago and we all have a better chance at a healthier and happier life with the virus.Ok so its not twenty years ago and more people are educated today than back then. Ok its not ten years ago with all the experimental treatments. It is the year 2011 and it seems there are still idiots out there who either dont know or think they know everything about HIV. Recently A well lets say former friend said to me that they had no problem eating my cooking or even eating after me but if I were looking for a relationship from them they couldnt do it cause they couldnt be able to have sex with me!!!!WTF ok have we not heard of condoms even if I swung that way there are ways to protect your partner.And a dear friend mine points out yeah HIV is not a death sentance but definatrly a life sentance. You never get a break no not even from the stigma and the lack of education and if you are not living in denial of your virus I salute you but some of us have chosen to take the next step not only living openly POS but we are being active in the HIV community it did not occur to me till recently that I was an HIV activist and Have been for many years not only did I educate myself about my virus I educated my lovers and my family and they're families about my virus. So it was only logical to take the next step and well as i have always been open about being POS since I contracted the Virus in 98 I figures I would put my face in there with the others let people hear my story or rather read my story and How I live each and every single day with this virus.
Yeah some days are worse than others that is for sure. But what affects me the most is the ignorance and how this VIRUS has seemed to been put on the back burner now that we have treatments that extend life expectancies for many years. Dont you feel there is still a need to find a cure and a vaccine? Well?
Ok so I want a cure if not in my lifetime soon I want a vaccine if not in my life time soon! its not to much to ask not really.The future of the entire human race seems to depend on it I think. Yeah ! I put in my two sense there I seem to be ranting so let me get back to topic.Stigma even today in the year 2011 there is still stigma Why because of the scare tactic marketing of profilactics you dont want to be with a scorpian it could kill you yeah that picture really pissed me the fuck off I mean I dont see myself as a looker but I am definatly not a fucking arachnid waiting to sting my lover to death. Hello If anything I have always been careful about sexual contact and epecially blood spills I have always always used hazmat clean  up procedures I keep gloves of all sizes on hand at all times I have all kinds of steril bandaging items so that I can stop my bleeding in the event of an emergency till help arrives and yes I have had my share of house hold accidents and i cleaned things up myseflf wouldnt let my lover or family near it I have always used protection. I have always been as safe as one can be. Yes it is sometimes a little difficult to not feel your lover 100% but you know what I love them enough to keep them safe.to my knowlege I have never passed my virus to another person.
so whats with I couldnt have sex with you shit dont you know how to be safe seriously. Anyway some people believe that HIV and AIDS are the same thing when they are not I have never yet had an AIDS diagnosis I have although come very close to one. and yes it bothers me when people say Larry hey dont you Have AIDS? NO I DO NOT HAVE AIDS I have HIV that is my diagnosis and when I get an AIDS diagnosis I will let everyone know be sure of that.people arent afraid of HIV anymore but they still look at AIDS like it is something to be scared of why Because of posters of people having sex with scorpians that label HIV/AIDS together. or label aids as HIV people dont talk about a cure or vaccine for HIV only for AIDS. its scary how many people dont see the difference I know we who are POS do cause till you get that AIDS diagnosis there is some kind of hope. For many once they get the AIDS diagnosis they start to fail very fast they lose all hope they start withering before your eyes not all but for allot.I dont know if i have the strength it takes to get through an AIDS diagnosis and stay positive and healthy you know and so far I have not been had my strength tested like that.Do i think that day is coming anytime soon ? To be honest I dont know.I will simply have to deal with it when i get there. I am 33 and on december the 28th of this year I will be 34. When I was a kid before my HIV diagnosis the doctors all told me I was very lucky very blessed I lived a charmed life I had many health issues but they were caught early and were treated and treatable like my diabetes and my heart condition things like my atshma and well you get the picture I have never been the epidomy of health But I have always had an inner strength that kept me going.
 For years I saw my parents struggle with me I grew up I was full of well lets just say energy ie: I was the spawn of  a demon seed for a while there. But luckily I grew out of that i found myself i became a better person and every day I am still becoming a better person.I live each and every day as if it could be my very last Why? you may ask not because Of my Virus no but because we need to take each and everyday for what it is a gift.In the immortal words of Madea "yesterday Is hitsory tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift thats why they call it the present." until you live your life knowing that at any moment the ones you love or even you yourself could be gone you will tend to take things for granted.many people waste thier time on stupid trivial things and forget to take a moment to stop look at the flowers smell the roses see everything under creation and just be amazed. life is perfectly awesome every day you get to wake up and take a new breath it is precious and when you label regular people like myself as outcast because of the AIDS virus HIV you may be letting the most amazing person slip through your very fingers.No not me But there are other pretty fricking amazing people out there me I am your average everyday joe or rather Larry.but you get what I am saying ? Rite?
So with that said I want everyone to take a breath and remember a simple little daily mantra
this is one i like to repeat to myself everyday and remember this about all people ok we are all beauty and grace we are all perfect in our own way so here is my little Mantra...
I am my spirit….In my flesh, my thoughts, my choices, my relations, and my humanness I am anything but perfect, but at my core, in my Spirit, I am perfect, as we all are. I am pure, I am whole, I am the universe, I am grateful, I am love, and I have nothing to fear. Everything is ultimately good. And so it will be.
I repeat this everyday and even when I am angry I recite it it is very beautiful and very true to the heart.
 so with that I will close yeah I still have allot to say on stigma but you know here is what I will say even though there is allot of stigma out there never stop disclosing never be dishonest about being POS and for those of you who arent POS be safe you are so worth it love your self enough to protect yourself You deserve a life free of this virus. So even though you may be rejected be honest.Even though you are neg always protect yourself.Like my dear friend Maria Mejia say's no HIV iss no longer a death sentance but it is a life sentance many blessings unto all of you I love you all be good be safe be well be loved all day's and everyday .