Mondays Random Rambling

I don't Know where to begin today Has been extremely cold I woke up about ten times in the night. I long for the night I can sleep through. I never thought when I was younger how much sleep affected me that and the lack thereof . People often forget how a good nights sleep really refreshes the Human body. I have had a hard time eating anything and all that that has been bothering me too. Just nothing sounds or tastes good anymore.I love to cook but when I cant taste what it Is that I am cooking whats the point. I hate not feeling at the top of my Game my meds are doing a number on my body I am going up and down in my wight And I really cant stand it. When I look in the mirror I see a stranger staring Back at me bags under my eyes and the weight on my face I just don't see me anymore. I often wish I wasn't getting older that I could go back and freeze time where I was once and I know it seems so well shallow but I am not the guy I use to be physically or emotionally. I guess I have grown from  place deep in side and I have changed enormously I am not saying I have grown in a bad way at all with the exception of my weight I just wish I was youthful and hopeful again. In some ways I have never lost any hope at all but then there are the times where I am like my body feels the weight of itself and the weight of the world. The cold the heat it seeps into my bones and I feel it all the pain in peoples Eyes the sadness lurking in the people around em I feel it all its not that I am extra sensitive its that i just have always seen it. I feel it an it hurts.
The good thing is I don't feel so alone anymore I know I am never alone I have faith in good people and the Creator I know that No matter what no one can tear me down no matter how hard they try I am doing good work By telling my story. people have thanked me more than once So I will continue to tell my story never giving up or giving in its what keeps me strong.I don't go out seeking others to tear them down or try to contradict what others do that is on them not my place I never judge its not my place I live everyday the best way that I can I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am always there for some one in need Life has been good to me I am very blessed that Is how I see it. I have been working on me and I have been who I am for as long as I can remember. So I do this with respect to those who are not HIV pos and those who are newly diagnosed or who just need to know they are not alone.
It seems to me allot of People who are HIV pos are so afraid to let others know their Status well its very important to know your status its important for you and your partner  if your in a pos neg relationship you need to protect your partner and you need the support of that partner life is never going to be easy it never gets to the point of breaking even when you feel like it is it doesn't I say this because I have been so down before I didn't know how strong I was but i am here I am stronger than ever I am alive and I see the best that life has to offer even when my darkest hour was upon me I know it wasn't a breaking point because if it was I wouldn't be here we all have ways of looking at things differently that is what makes us all unique in our own ways but I am unique in the fact that I have survived where other people couldn't I have a strength that others may not have or could not bring out in them selves I have will to live love and fight. I could spend my life feeling sorry for myself locking myself away from society but I wont I don't I go out and I tell I share my story and i live everyday knowing this doing this being me getting stronger Day By day moving forward living each day as it comes and being grateful for each new day that comes my way I know I have been blessed and i know That through it all life will never give me more than I can handle at one time so there is my Monday rambling i hope it helps you I know that blabbering has helped me thanks for reading