I am A 33 Year old gay native/Hispanic Male Living with HIV for the last thirteen years.Some days I dont know where to begin and some days it feels like it might be the end But i am still here alive for a reason
Friday, March 4, 2011
Somedays
Some days I feel like I am at my wits end. Not all of them just some of them.Most day's I feel like i am Stuck.When you live with chronic Illness no one knows what you are going through but others like your self.I have been pos for going on 14 years.I have had health problems my whole life.I have had diabetes since i was four and heart issues since before i was born.Yeah i was born before neonatal heart surgery was incepted.in fact the type of heart surgery that could have prevented me getting so bad off with my heart well it is currently still in its infancy but there is a decent success rate unfortunately it wont help my condition now.although since i have a hereditary disease it helped my niece i had the good fortune to tell all my family to test everyone in my family to test all their kids for my condition. 6 so far have been diagnosed and also treated the surgery's needed costed an arm and a leg thank god my sisters had good insurance to pay for the surgeries. I feel that people just don't understand me at all. But I know i have to count my blessings. I wish i could be perfectly healthy but i am not life didn't have that in the cards for me.
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Wow, stumbled over here from the link you posted on Facebook and I just read through all your entries... I understand what you mean so much. I feel like I'm reading my own words in a lot of your blogs. Although I don't have the exact same conditions, I spend so much time in hospitals and seriously, no one understands it at all. Everything about being chronically ill is frustrating. Sucks because I'm so young. Having cardiologists, oncologists, nephrologists, etc. at 22 is a bit depressing.
ReplyDeleteI really try to keep my head up, though, and count my blessings like you said. Good to know someone else understands what I do :)
Sara I understand how overwhelming life can be when you have such issues at such a young age you know its difficult but we go through everything for a reason.What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and I thank the creator everyday that i am here and i have a purpose.
ReplyDeleteI agree. And I consider myself a really strong person which is one of the reasons it sucks. I hate when people look at me like I'm an invalid (or worse, when they act like I have the plague). Apparently I got belligerent at the hospital yesterday because I just really wanted to do things for myself and physically couldn't.
ReplyDeleteBut I finally admitted that at this point in time I'm not able to be fully independent any more. So I'm very thankful that I have people who care about me :) It's frustrating a lot but I'm not sad or regretful about anything... I still love my life.