Living HIV Poz and Hope

So living with HIV is not easy, people discriminate against you and so much more.One of the many things that disgusts me about living with HIV is that people seem to think that it is a gay disease, when it clearly is not.So many people label diseases with races and sexuality and base they're opinions on absolute fiction.Living with a chronic illness is not a punishment for being born who you are it is simply an act of fate.Unfortunately certain people seem to truly disagree with this,and many people see HIV as a death sentence , for the newly diagnosed I will say this, Do not give up on hope Life will be OK, Yeah things are going to be different for the rest of your life, but I promise that with patience peace of mind and a good support network Life will be OK, you can live a long healthy and happy life. For those of you afraid to be tested don't be afraid its better to be on top of your status and not let it sneak up on you. Be informed protect yourself and your partner. And for those of you who are neg get educated and educate others inform people that they must protect themselves and they're partners. And don't think that you know everything about this virus no one does this virus is deadly if left unchecked.You must always be informed keep up with the CDC and most recent information and remember HIV Hep-C and other viruses are out there if the city you live in has a needle exchange and you are an injection drug user get clean needles regularly and never share them. And almost every city has free clinics get tested get your free condoms Don't be shy if your going to have sex practice safer sex. Love yourself enough to protect yourself you are worth it and so much more. I wish I had someone to tell me these things when I was younger. You are love you are life You are beautiful no matter what anyone Say's you deserve to live a virus free life don't let anyone say hey I'm not Pos we don't need condoms or pressure you by saying we only need to use a condom if you got something, you are worth more than that trust me.use one every time. I know its hard but use em.
People often tell me that I am overly outspoken on this subject but i don't want anyone to go through what I went through. what I still go through every day for the last thirteen years, I have been blessed and led a very charmed life but was this virus worth it. Was the abuse worth it, I can tell you no it absolutely was not. Yes I will always have love for my ex's even the one who gave me my Virus but I let them go I had to if i didn't I would have gone mental Years ago.
Having said this I want to say that life is beautiful. Ans I am truly blessed I have touched the lives of several people and so many have touched mine. I have met some of the most remarkable people I will ever know On my journey in this world, and when it is time to make my journey home I know I will have left an empty Place in many hearts. and although  I don't see this time coming anytime soon it is a comfort to me to know I have been blessed and blessed the lives of other's by being apart of their lives and them enriching mine.Blessings come by way of may forms. Sometimes it is a good friend sometimes a wonderful lover sometimes an animal companion. But in all cases a blessing should never be turned away.Love is one of the most precious of all gifts.And also today IS the most precious gift. Remember yesterday is history tomorrow a mystery but today is a gift that's why it is called the Present.
I am love I am life I am a gift from the creator I am far from perfect yet at my core I was made perfectly so my spirit is perfect no character defects no flaws a beautiful spirit created in and of love and to love and be free and creative. Light surrounds me to the depths of my spirit and I will share this love this light my sage I will lay down my tobacco I will pray for all of you and that all be well in your worlds because you are loved and peace is in you. You are peace and light surrounds you and your creator made sure it would.May you never forget that and remember always.It took me many years and allot of reminding by good friends and family that this simple truth is a reality.It did not come over nite and I work on this every day it took me years to become angry and jaded and sad it took years to help me ot grow spiritually and to love myself. I write so that it doesn't take you the same amount of time take my words and grow form my experiences become the person you were meant to be. Love yourself protect yourself be happy being you.You are beautiful and loved you are in fact the very essence of LOVE.
I am never alone I walk in the light of the grandfather creator he is with me always and as i know he is with me so too should you know he is with you when you are too weak to stand he will give you strength,if you are weaker still he will be your legs and stand for you. Never fear Because I am never alone and neither are you alone.
And as for anyone with a chronic illness Take care of yourself please you have much yet to do as do all of us. A couple of years ago shortly after my mother passed on and made her journey home I became gravely ill I got serious pneumonia and was in a come for several days, Later I found out i died for five minutes I know I died because well when I was out my parents were there they asked me If I was ready to come home? If I was to come with them. They said I still did have work to do so I should make my decision they would not be angry either way but it was my decision to make they would wait patiently for me to come home to them if I so decided to stay there was no rush to make my journey I had time yet.I decided to stay and make my parents proud that day i started to change my life. I decided to face life on life's terms to face it head on and never sell myself short I know that i have a past but knew also that it is because of my past that I can reach others and in any way i Can i will reach out. I do not want people to heave to suffer the way that i did.
 So here I am telling my story a long and sordid Tale murder suicide darkness and lite birth and renewed  life so much has happened and i am still here when one door closes another one sure enough has always opened for me.
 For the LGBTI youth out there I know it is hard right now and sometime may seem like there is nothing out there for you but I assure you it does get better and everyday it is getting better with your strength and your love it will get better.There is work for everyone you are needed you are worth so much this world needs you in so very many ways.You will make a better future you will make a difference you matter no matter what the assholes in this world think you are valuable you are not a mistake Your perfect just the way you are. Be safe Love yourself and know that live is worth living. Look at me I am still here after going through the hell I have been through. You can make it especially if I did you can too.
 For the HIV/AIDS community we have lost Elizabeth a true spirit who fought for our cause and we have all lost many friends new and old to the virus we must rally together and say our prayers for those who have made their journey's home and for my sister Shana I say  a prayer for the loss of your dear friend Patty may she rest in the loving arms of the creator know you were blessed by knowing her she enriched the lives of many through education and the telling of her story I am only sad that I never had the chance to know her myself love light and peace to all of you may you all know your your worth and remember your value in this world.
for those we have lost you are gone but never forgotten creator take these spirits and lift them up to you may they fly free and be at peace in your loving kindness and may your light shine down on us all.
                          Love peace and blessings to you all