Some of you May know Three years ago on January 15th My mother succumbed to cancer. It was a day to never forget.As I sat there with my loving sister Suzie and my mom I was holding her hand as the nurse Gave her injection after injection Of Morphine and Thorazine to ease her pain and help her transition into the next world.I felt like I was Killing My mom or allowing my mom to be killed but I didn't want to stop the nurse cause My Mother was in such Horrible Pain.I knew My mother did not want to live like that in pain and so much trouble she was suffering from severe dementia as the cancer had metastasized to her brain she did not know who we were anymore she had very few moments of lucidity and clarity.It was hard for us to watch this woman who was so strong wither so quickly she was our Mommy how could we move forward with out her.
I sat in silence silently Crying till they pronounced her dead I said my prayers over her and asked the creator release her spirit form her body and take her home.What else could I do She was gone her spirit needed to be let go.We all wept who were present even her hospice nurse.It was a healing moment but a hard moment in my life.On that day Four days After we celebrated her last and final birthday we said goodbye to this powerful driving force in our lives My sisters and I lives changed forever that day the day we said goodbye to our mother in some ways we drew on each other for strength it drew us closer to one another it brought mortality to our eyes and we knew each day from that day on we were orphans all we had was each other. Since then our relationships with each other have been more grounded we no longer Take advantage of each other we appreciate one another more and more.
I have struggled with my self worth for years but now with my sisters by my side I am strengthened and re-newed each and everyday. My mother Has left us but even in her Passing she taught us a powerful and very valuable lesson we are a family and we don't know how long any one of us has on this earth don't take it for granted love one another with everything you have.
So as mother's day approaches I remember my Mom and thank her I show her the gratitude she deserves in life and in death she brought us all together and made us the people we are today.I never told her many things but I know she knew she was the driving force in my spiritual healing and in accepting who I was.Because of her I am not afraid to be just who I am and who I am meant to be.So with the approaching of mother's day I want everyone to remember the special woman in your life who showed you the way. She may not have been your biological Mother maybe she was your aunt or grandmother Maybe even your sister or cousin but remember her and honor her be grateful for your driving force you don't know how long she will be around.
Don't forget that you are who you are because of where you came from You are beautiful and Loved you are the light in the darkness when you feel as though You have no hope remember the ones who love you and remember you are precious.Because Of My Beautiful Mother Sandra Marie Bender I will Always Know I am Perfect just As I Am. I am a perfect reflection of love And She would Always tell me how my smile could light up the darkest room.Thanks Mom For being you and raising me I know it was hard I know you had allot to deal with but you did an amazing job Because Of you I am the Man I am today and I am grateful for you.I only wish I could tell you one more time just how much you meant to me.May you rest in Peace.
I am A 33 Year old gay native/Hispanic Male Living with HIV for the last thirteen years.Some days I dont know where to begin and some days it feels like it might be the end But i am still here alive for a reason
This is so moving, Larry. I am sorry for your loss of only a few months ago. You did and are doing right by her. This indeed has been a very difficult year for you, and I know you must miss her daily. The loss is always there, but I know for me the happy memories outweigh the pain of the end. Yours, Jeff
ReplyDeleteJeff My mom Passed on January 15th 2008 this is year three with no mom sorry I must not have made that clear But thank you My mom is resting in the glory of the Land of my creator and when My day comes I will be re-joyned with her that will be a joyful day indeed but I still Have work here to do and will continue to do so till that day comes that I am called on to make my journey home
ReplyDeleteHi Larry, I am so sorry to hear about your mother, I lost my oldest brother to Leuckemia in June 2008 as well. I have taken Palliative Care courses and wanted to work in a Hospice someday. That isn't a possibility now but I have learned about the dying process. Sometimes it is something the person wants more than they want to suffer and have the family suffer. Cancer is one of the worst diseases I believe. When they told me my HIV status I was actually glad they didn't say cancer.
ReplyDeleteShe was your rock in life, you should never forget her and always celebrate her even though she isn't in this world anymore, she is in a better place now and yes you will join her when your time comes. Take care and find the happiness she would have wanted you to have.