before I was born I was my spirit. I was the pure creation ready for a vessel that the creator made. whether he intended me to be Native or white or Muslim I was his perfect creation he would put my spirit where he saw fit for me to be.
he chose a native home a native heart a native family with issues because he wanted me to bring our ways back to my family
he chose to put me where I am today so I can help others to be who they are.
He chose to give me the hardships so I would learn truth and compassion for my people
he gave me what he gave me so i could persevere in a world full of hate and anger animosity and venom and to spread the light of my spirit to others and show them there is goodness left.
Some one Asked Me Who was I before I was born and the above is all I could truly come up with.Today I am who I am I have become a good person I have struggled along the way I have been hurt infected abused and neglected but through it all I am here today I have compassion I am that I am I am who I want to be I do not hate I pray for the people whom are week minded and who do not know how to pray for themselves I have grown to be a good human being and I spew forth no hatred or venom against anyone I know who has hurt me and I have learned to forgive them.
It takes a strong person to move on from the past and the hatred and lies spread against people. I will not be the one spewing forth venom's and malignity's against others I will take people into prayer lodge with me I will walk my road. Being Indian is a hard road to carry my bundles and walk humbly is a hard way to suffer for those people who need the strength and prayers is a true honor to walk in the light of the creator is very great blessing and I am truly grateful for it. It has kept me well these years of being positive.sullen sadness in the darkness of regret is not somewhere I want to be.I want the light of love and peace to shine from within me I want to be where it is that I am needed. I do not have illusions of grandeur or anything of the sort but I know there is a higher purpose for me and for each of us.I am willing to embrace this.I do not want to walk in anger and rage I want walk in love and peace.
I am where I need to be with the people I need to be with at this time.I have been called for a reason to speak publicly and let people know that this Virus Is a human virus it affects all walks of life Gay or Straight Native or White Hispanic or Black Asian and all aboriginal peoples.It does not discriminate against any race color or creed sexual identity or gender if your young or old it affects all people it affects my family because I am infected I see all the time how it affects those around me they are always worried I will be gone in an instant. they never know if today will be my last day with them. this virus is so invasive it invades your life the lives of your loved ones and every person you are involved with.HIV/AIDS is a serious issue that has been put on the sidelines for far too long.ADAP our aids drug assistance programs across the nation have been hit very hard soon I wont be able to get some of the meds I need very seriously.Because the funding for them has been cut.
well that was a long rant yes i have much to speak about most of all I am still very much here.But there is another issue I need to touch Base on the newly diagnosed and people who have been diagnosed for under three years I understand some of you may not understand your counts and your blood work. this is a difficult area to speak about because unfortunately every lab has a different way of actually counting. some do by percentage some put absolute counts and some put both absolute and percentages.For those of you confused about your Viral load and your Cd-4 and cd-8 counts these are good questions to get a better understanding form your doctor or arnp. they can explain how their lab does things and what the measurements mean by their lab standards. now as far as when to start an HIV regimen well that is entirely up to you.I waited until I was pos almost ten years. Now as for anyone else I am stating this was my decision and Mine alone.It was something I discussed with my doctor and I prayed on in sweat lodge now I will not advise that everyone follow my model.No but faith spirituality a good network of support. People who love you and an excellent doctor like I have that is the way to go as for my doctor she was very concerned about my decision but ultimately it is my body and was my decision.But she has told me that I have true faith that surpasses that of your average person.Strong conviction of character and conviction of my own spirituality and Knowing my body was key in my decision.as for you talk to your doctor make calculated and careful decisions. be intelligent about your decisions when it comes to your treatment. Ask Questions no question is a stupid question the only stupid question is the one you already know the answer to or the one left unasked. Stay on top of your virus own it live with it do not doe because of it. Keep up your strength and eat healthy change your habits it is a lifetime of self abuse that has deteriorated many of our bodies it is up to us to keep them healthy today. we many of us have made very unwise eating and drinking decisions but today is a new day a day to start fresh and to do it right.
for those of you who are not pos or don't know your status keep it covered get tested regularly Know your status.HIV may not be a death sentence but it is a life sentence you never get a break there are no remissions you have good days and bad days but every day you wake up you wake up pos not in remission you are always still very much HIV pos.
So ask questions get educated know your status get tested stay healthy everyday is a gift know this and you will get on just fine Love and light to you all.Blessings.A short Prayer to the victims of HIV/AIDS Hep-c and natural disasters
MItakuye oyate Tungushila Wakentanka
my relations Grandfather Creator Bless all those living with disease and those who suffer watching their loved ones deteriorate from it. Watch over the children living with it the pregnant mothers and watch over the victim's of the recent storms thank you for watching over me so I can pray for those who need my prayers you know the ones I do not name and the ones I do Thank you for giving me the strength to sit through lodge to pray for those who truly need the blessings. thank you for helping me to forgive those who have transgressed against me thank you for giving me the ability to forgive and to continue to love thank you for making this day for giving me this day in which to pray thank you for showing me compassion and thank you for being there for me when I feel lost and don't know what to do and thank you for knowing my heart and knowing who I pray for and knowing when I pray and taking those prayers and doing what you can with them. Thank you for allowing me to learn humility and humbleness.with out which I could not come to you in a good way to pray for all of these things I pray and for all my blessings I am truly grateful pielamaya A'ho
Megwetch again all of you for reading and I love you all love and light blessings to you all and may tomorrow bring us all a new good day together.Peace Love and Frybread Grease
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